Fighting a loosing battle…

It’s been a while since I posted, because I was loosing my battle with self doubt for a while. Self doubt has caused me to quit a lot of things in my life. I’m pretty good at quitting. So why can’t I quit self doubt?!?

I was struggling with being a single dandelion in a field of wild flowers! I asked my self, what’s the point? Why should someone read my blog? Blogs are a dime a dozen! We are not the first/only people who travel in a camper for work. (My instagram Is full of them) Most of them have better posts, are more organized, and never seem to have a shortage of topics to post about.

So I slacked off because I couldn’t answer those questions.

My sister/therapist told me we have a crazy/interesting life full of all kinds of stuff. (Sewing, racing, traveling, the cabin, the camper, the razors, and work)

I was still struggling to find something to write about our camper life. (After all that’s what my blog was mostly supposed to be about) I researched a lot when I was dreaming about blogging. I can’t tell you the amount of times I read “stick with one main topic” and that’s what was killing any kind of writing spark I had. It wasn’t relevant enough to what I wanted my blog to be about.

I’ve never dreamed of being a Ree Drummond in the blogging world. But I’d like to at least have a small following and maybe help people or entertain them for a while.

I may not win all battles against self doubt, but I plan on winning the war!

So I freshened up my page and I’ll be sharing more. More on life as a line wife. More on life as a racer wife. More on the places we have been, and more recipes for sure.

Do you have any tips or stories on battling self doubt? I want to hear them!

We’re moving…

We just found out that we are finally leaving Duncan. I couldn’t be happier we been here for too long. I just about tried every food place, I can try and shopped everywhere, I can shop.

My husband is not so happy about he move. He would rather stay close to his race car. It’s so far away from our cabin (11hrs) and where both sets of our parents (8hrs). It’s further than we’ve ever been from home, but it’s not for very long.

I am excited to be going someplace new. I’m ready for a change as I said before I’m not good at settling in one spot, I get a weird anxious like feeling and I start planning random trips and all I wanna do is go go go! I was planning a trip to Nashville. (Oh believe me we are still going) It’s just going to have to get pushed back a few months.

So we’re headed to Cuero, Texas tomorrow. (It’s in south Tx, close to San Antonio) I’m excited it’s only an hour or so to the beach and there is tons to do all around! Do you have any ideas for us? We’re only going to be there for about 2 months and Dillon even has the weekends off so I need lots of ideas. He’s not good at setting around the camper!

I’d love to have feed back. We need tons of new sights to see, new food to try, and new things to do!

Falling in love with Claremore Oklahoma in a day…

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I recently had a chance to stroll down Main Street in the small town of Claremore, Ok.
I was immediately in awe of all the shops and character that it possessed. There was nowhere close to park, so I ended up in the public parking a little future down which wasn’t as bad as it sounds! I don’t mind walking and it was great that they had this overflow parking! As it turns out the town was having there Souper Saturday (more on this in just a bit) that’s why it was so busy. The weather was just perfect for a stroll down Main street.
IMG_5252I went into the first store, and was blown away! Farmhaus was not only beautiful and historic, but the farmhouse decor inside was to die for.

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 I literally wanted one of every inside. (Sometimes it stinks living in a camper 24/7) I got a chance to talk to the lovely lady who owns it and as it turns out we have mutual friends from Wagoner. (I’m always amazed by how large, yet small the world really is)

 

I continued on down store after store of wonderful and beautiful shops and boutiques with the friendliest workers.

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The District on Main had some beautiful clothes and some neat stuff. Very high-end stuff. I was just in love with their original brick wall inside the store and she told us the story behind finding the wall. (I’m Fascinated by old antique/historic-stuff)

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I went into a store that I had spotted on the drive in, LoliPop. I thought it was going to be a bakery and candy type store. Truth be told I was mildly disappointed that they didn’t have cupcakes. They do have candy, but it is also a boutique. They have some of the cutest clothes, and the sweetest girls working! I bought a cute sweater dress/shirt. I tied it up and the girls in there oohed and awwed on it and made me have an absolutely giant head (maybe I should start a fashion blog, ok just kidding)
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Next, I stopped in at She Brews Coffee House and treated my self to a coffee (The Misty) and a piece of delicious Lemon Ooey Gooey Cake. (Y’all I almost died and went to heaven. I love lemon flavored everything!) I was so glad I waited in line and studied their info. She Brews not only has coffee, wonderful desserts, and a lovely lunch menu but also helps women transition form negative/troublesome pasts into better futures. (I am a sucker for this stuff. I almost cried standing in line reading a success story on their wall.)
The Misty– cappuccino with half the espresso, but a generous serving of white chocolate and caramel and topped with whipped cream and a drizzle of white chocolate.
OutWest Home Decor had everything you need to decorate in a cabin or western theme. Beautiful stuff and again the lady who owns it was super sweet. I bought a cute wooden state of Oklahoma ornament that said Claremore on it.
I had just enough time to run into Burlap Closet Boutique and check it out. I was in love with some of their tee shirts but didn’t have enough time to try them on and/or by anything. The lady working gave me a card and told me they ship. I’m definitely going to be getting me some cute new shirts.
I went in as many shops, boutiques, and antique stores as possible before I had to head back and pick up Dillon. But I’m telling you I was amazed at the charming and bustling Main Street. Everyone seemed to be helpful and friendly. Claremore really has the best downtown shopping district that I’ve ever been too. I love supporting small shops!
IMG_5247Y’all I parked my truck at 1:30 and walked into the Farmhaus a few minutes later. Some lady asked for soup. (It’s a home decor store) I was thrown for a loop! I kinda interrupted the lady’s talking and asked what was going on. She told me that 2 times a year they have Souper Saturday, to promote businesses on Main Street and as fundraisers for stuff the town needs. I was very intrigued and asked if she could explain more. (I later found out her husband is on the city council) she said the business on Main Street dish out soup if you get the ($8) package which includes a cup for your soup. I was so bummed to be coming in at the end of this! (11am-2pm) (Y’all know food and shopping and two of my favorite things)
She also told me about food truck Thursday’s during the summer months, where they practically close down Main Street for food trucks and shopping. (I’m telling y’all it sounds like heaven to me!)
She told me that Claremore had also passed a city ordinance that you may walk around with beer now also. (Which is a big deal here in the Bible Belt)
I am so marking my calendar for all the fun events coming up this year. If we didn’t already have a cabin in Arkansas, I’d be ready to move to Claremore!

Pay it Forward…

Tonight we had a sweet lady in a white FJ pay for our food while going through the drive through at Taco Bell here in Duncan, OK. I was shocked. Dillon was like huh? What? Stop pulling my leg? There is noway someone just paid for our food? You are joking, right? But she did and the guy in the window says she does it once a week. She even wrote on our receipt “Have A Blessed Day.” I think it was so sweet. We will definitely be paying it forward.

I’ve decided that I’m going to adopt her out look on this. Now I can’t go super crazy but we are a little more fortunate than others and I’d like to make people feel just the way I did tonight.

If only everyone could adopt a pay it forward method. It’s not all about money. You can do all kinds of things to help some one out, with out spending a dime. Now, it’s still a scary place out their so don’t go putting your self in a bad spot because your trying to help some one out!

You can do little things like: Return a store cart for someone, turn in that lost wallet with someone’s hard earned money in it, buy a stranger a coffee or soda, give someone your seat, just tell someone they look nice, tell our military personnel thank you, hold the door a little longer just so the next person can get in outta the cold, let the person behind you with only a few items go ahead, let someone go even if the light is green . It doesn’t take much if you just be conscious and considerate. It will make your day better and someone else’s.

Logan found a wallet the other day at a gas station on our way home. It had quite a bit of cash in it. It had no ID, only 2 phone numbers. (It looked like a little kids wallet, with Christmas money in it) we called and text the numbers and took it in to the lady’s behind the cash register. They said “We can’t believe you brought this in honestly most people would have just kept it.” I was baffled, (I mean I’ve lost a few wallets, phones, and a camera only to never see them again) at the fact that the lady was shocked at someone doing the right thing. That is so sad. I hope the owner gets his money back! I’d hate to loose my Christmas money.

Pay it Forward, Chain of Love, Kindness, or anything else you want to call it y’all just practice it! I promise you’ll feel better and so will someone else!

Getting My First Tattoo…

I’ve always been certain that I wanted a tattoo, probably since around 15 – 16 years old! As a matter of fact, I can’t remember not wanting one! Of course, it’s never been the same thing. Oh, If you would have asked when I first wanted one I would have shown you a picture of this rose with a barbed wire stem. (I still have the picture, but I can’t remember where It came from). A few years later I would have told you all about the wings I wanted on my back. (My dilemma is that while I wanted wings on my back I didn’t want the big ones because they are always there no matter what you wear and to me, the small ones just weren’t right) so I waited. Well then there was the double pistoles faze, but I just couldn’t figure out where on earth I wanted to put it. Years later I’ve tried to talk my sisters into having cute little tattoos done together or even my Bestie (but we can’t agree on anything)
You see I come from a pretty conservative family. My dad especially has always had something to say about tattoos & piercing (he lost it when he found out I got my belly button pierced at 18) he also hated the fact that I have my ear lobes pierced 2x. But he was raised in a time where that didn’t happen and ladies didn’t do that kinda thing! (They also don’t curse like sailors either, so I’ve been fun for him)
So I’ve always felt that I’d like to be able to hide my tattoos if I wanted. Ya know from my dad, work, or whatever. But, also just to uphold this image I have of what I’m supposed to be. And as much as I’ve always wanted a tattoo I have a very opinionated view of where and where I do not want one on my body. So it’s always been a struggle to me. Also, I’m kinda sentimental so I want any tattoo to mean something to me. (But my first had to be very special) I wanted it to be special and to be able to look back on it and say yea that was a great time in my life. I’m very aware that tattoos are forever and I want to never regret it.
So I managed to make it to 29 years old before I got my first ink. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I had been slightly pestering Dillon about how I wanted a tattoo. I had finally settled on this cute little stitched heart I picked out because I love to sew and always have. Nothing is going to change that.
Well then as the days wore on Dillon asked about the cute buck and doe we had talked about both getting once and I kinda fell in love with that idea again. So I kept asking and apparently it wasn’t subtle or sparingly because our friends decided they were going to take me & Dillon (more or less against his will) they said they were tired of hearing about it, so they were taking action. Walking through the doors I instantly felt nervous, not for the tatt or for the pain but for how permanent it was and how it would change me.
Now I have always been one to say I’d never get a name tattooed on my body (with the exception of my children) Dillon is the only person I have ever even considered of doing. After much thought, I’m scared that might jinx us so I stuck with just first initials.
The lady handed me the paperwork to fill out and I got down to it. One of the questions is what was the last time you ate. Well, I had had lunch, but no dinner yet, but D and I had both ate some brownies (I got at Great American Cookies in the outlet mall in OKC) right before we left. Well as I’m trying to explain this to the girl it dawns on me she might think I had “special brownies” so I tried explaining that it wasn’t but got my self into a fit of giggles. (I’m pretty sure that chick thought I was high as a kite) Anyways, as the lady is drawing it out trying to get it perfect for me as I watch and ask for certain things. I’m growing more nervous but at the same time there is this excitement growing and I can’t believe I’ve finally taken the steps to do something that I’ve wanted for so long. When she takes me back and sits me down and transfers the image to my arm I kinda want to make a run for the camper. My hands are sweating like crazy and I have a huge knot in my stomach. But I want it so much!
OMG people lie to you about how bad it hurts! “A little worse than a misquote bite” -Dillon. “Just a little, but then it goes numb. Heck, I fell asleep” -Sparky. Liars! I mean I didn’t cry or anything, I didn’t pass out, and I didn’t ask her to stop. I actually watched as much as I could it’s cool as sh*t! But I could definitely fell it!
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After it was all done I couldn’t hardly believe it. It was kinda like a dream. I have wanted it for so long that I couldn’t believe it was real. The fact that it was on fire made me know it wasn’t a dream, but walking out of there I was totally shocked and the permanence was definitely settling in on me!
So it has been a few days and I’m still stoked about it. I love it absolutely! I catch my self-feeling more like a bad a**, I can’t explain why and I laugh at myself normally after. Also, I forget about it when I’m busy doing something and I catch a glimpse of it and I think I have something on my arm. I know I’m a mystery even to myself. As for now, I’m not planning to get another one for awhile. One day I would still like to have one for Logan. I’d also like to go with my sisters still but we have some debating to do.
Oh Yea, I’m 29 and kinda freaking out about what my Dad will say when he sees it.

Co-parenting…

As you all have probably put two and two together. Dillon is Logan’s Step Dad. Logan’s Father is very much in the picture. He and I have known each other for around 15 years. We met through a cousin of mine (they are still good friends). We were young and dumb and “dated” on and off long distance forever. I won’t go into the whole story because I’d be here all day and it’s all water under the bridge now. When we found out we were pregnant, I wasn’t near old enough at 18 and he only 19! We were scared yet excited. We ended up breaking up for a while then married when Logan was around 1.

We tried our hardest to make it work for Logan. In the end, I decided I wanted to raise Logan in a loving relationship (not that it was just ugly and awful between us) We just both agreed that separation was best for Logan. We had the easiest divorce (ugh, Y’all I hate that word) we split everything, we each paid half, we didn’t fight over who was getting Logan when we didn’t fight over child support. We both knew we are doing what is best for Logan.

I do not say mean, or awful things about Logan’s father to or around Logan. I’m NOT going to say that we get along 100% and agree on everything (because we don’t, who does?) But in the end our arguments die pretty quickly because we start to realize what is best for Logan.

We co-parent Logan, and he also understands that Dillon is also a big part of Logan’s life. He knows Logan has to respect Dillon, as I know Logan will have to respect anyone he has in his life because of his father. [too many times I’ve heard of parents trying to teach their kids to disrespect the step parents. That makes me so angry]

Also, Dillon is under the same understanding, Logan’s father is a part of his life. We both support any conversation that Logan wants to have about his father and half-brother. We all work with each other on dates, schedules, and holidays. Y’all our schedule is crazy and he works with us a lot. Meeting times and spots change regularly because of us moving around.

When logan played baseball this past summer. We didn’t have to tell him. Dillon and I paid for everything. We were the ones taking him to practices and games. BUT, Y’all should have seen Logan’s face when most of his family was there to cheer him on for his final game. I know it sucked to drive 3 hours away on Tuesdays or Thursday to come watch him play, yet he did it regularly. Because it was best for Logan! [if you cant tell we are a goofy bunch]

Logan has a half-brother, from his father’s side. One day he’s going to want to spend the night with Logan (with us) or go with us where ever Logan is going. It wouldn’t bother us one bit to have him with us (his Mom probably wouldn’t allow it but, that I can’t change) it’s what is best for Logan. He is his brother after all.

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Logan had a big birthday party this year and we worked together to make sure Logan’s Dad and his brother could come. Again It made the whole day better for Logan! (Look at Logan help him with the pinata)

I have one friend that is also able to have this relationship with her kid’s dads. (We met after both of her ex-husbands, yet I know both of them and they know me)

So my question is why? Why can so many parents not see this? Why do most step-parents want to cause friction? Why do so many parents spend thousands of dollars in court to fight? Why can’t they choose what’s best for their child?

Hurts My Feelers….

So we have decided to get a new camper, [I never should have told Dillon he could get a dirt car if we got a new camper] and now he expects to get a dirt car. But that’s a story for another day! I  had the Heartland Oakmont picked out for a just in case kinda thing. A girl can dream, right?  Together we found the Heartland Sundance and, we all like a little better! But this story is about my poor little feelers. 

I’ve gotten almost everything packed and moved into the storage truck. Everything inside is so bare; the walls, cabinets, and closets. As I look around I have come to the conclusion, it doesn’t even look like our camper anymore. I can see our memories; all the water fights over the tiny shower stall, cooking/burning everything in our tiny crap stove, cramming food every week into our tiny fridge, meals, and homework at our tiny kitchen table, and all the times’ everyone crammed onto our big bed for a movie.IMG_3357

I’m really going to miss this place. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m totally excited to be getting a new camper that fits us better. I just feel like we have lived our whole lives in this camper although it’s only been four years. We have definitely embraced the traveling lifestyle and made this camper our home. As I’m typing my eyes are watering and I’ve almost decided to back out of getting a new camper….. OK, so I’m not even close to backing out of getting a new camper, but it sounded good!

Camper living is not easy and it is not for everyone, but we’re glad to be out here together as a family and seeing new places.

It was a tough choice! New camper and the payment that goes with it or our old/needs work camper and no payment! In the end, we decided we have enough projects going and it was just time to get a new one. I think it was just the fact that he wanted a race car.

I’m really looking forward into making our new camper look and feel like home!

P.S. These pictures are from right before we took it to trade it in. All traces of our decorating and taste is gone. That is not our bedspread! YUCK!!