Fighting a loosing battle…

It’s been a while since I posted, because I was loosing my battle with self doubt for a while. Self doubt has caused me to quit a lot of things in my life. I’m pretty good at quitting. So why can’t I quit self doubt?!?

I was struggling with being a single dandelion in a field of wild flowers! I asked my self, what’s the point? Why should someone read my blog? Blogs are a dime a dozen! We are not the first/only people who travel in a camper for work. (My instagram Is full of them) Most of them have better posts, are more organized, and never seem to have a shortage of topics to post about.

So I slacked off because I couldn’t answer those questions.

My sister/therapist told me we have a crazy/interesting life full of all kinds of stuff. (Sewing, racing, traveling, the cabin, the camper, the razors, and work)

I was still struggling to find something to write about our camper life. (After all that’s what my blog was mostly supposed to be about) I researched a lot when I was dreaming about blogging. I can’t tell you the amount of times I read “stick with one main topic” and that’s what was killing any kind of writing spark I had. It wasn’t relevant enough to what I wanted my blog to be about.

I’ve never dreamed of being a Ree Drummond in the blogging world. But I’d like to at least have a small following and maybe help people or entertain them for a while.

I may not win all battles against self doubt, but I plan on winning the war!

So I freshened up my page and I’ll be sharing more. More on life as a line wife. More on life as a racer wife. More on the places we have been, and more recipes for sure.

Do you have any tips or stories on battling self doubt? I want to hear them!

Getting My First Tattoo…

I’ve always been certain that I wanted a tattoo, probably since around 15 – 16 years old! As a matter of fact, I can’t remember not wanting one! Of course, it’s never been the same thing. Oh, If you would have asked when I first wanted one I would have shown you a picture of this rose with a barbed wire stem. (I still have the picture, but I can’t remember where It came from). A few years later I would have told you all about the wings I wanted on my back. (My dilemma is that while I wanted wings on my back I didn’t want the big ones because they are always there no matter what you wear and to me, the small ones just weren’t right) so I waited. Well then there was the double pistoles faze, but I just couldn’t figure out where on earth I wanted to put it. Years later I’ve tried to talk my sisters into having cute little tattoos done together or even my Bestie (but we can’t agree on anything)
You see I come from a pretty conservative family. My dad especially has always had something to say about tattoos & piercing (he lost it when he found out I got my belly button pierced at 18) he also hated the fact that I have my ear lobes pierced 2x. But he was raised in a time where that didn’t happen and ladies didn’t do that kinda thing! (They also don’t curse like sailors either, so I’ve been fun for him)
So I’ve always felt that I’d like to be able to hide my tattoos if I wanted. Ya know from my dad, work, or whatever. But, also just to uphold this image I have of what I’m supposed to be. And as much as I’ve always wanted a tattoo I have a very opinionated view of where and where I do not want one on my body. So it’s always been a struggle to me. Also, I’m kinda sentimental so I want any tattoo to mean something to me. (But my first had to be very special) I wanted it to be special and to be able to look back on it and say yea that was a great time in my life. I’m very aware that tattoos are forever and I want to never regret it.
So I managed to make it to 29 years old before I got my first ink. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I had been slightly pestering Dillon about how I wanted a tattoo. I had finally settled on this cute little stitched heart I picked out because I love to sew and always have. Nothing is going to change that.
Well then as the days wore on Dillon asked about the cute buck and doe we had talked about both getting once and I kinda fell in love with that idea again. So I kept asking and apparently it wasn’t subtle or sparingly because our friends decided they were going to take me & Dillon (more or less against his will) they said they were tired of hearing about it, so they were taking action. Walking through the doors I instantly felt nervous, not for the tatt or for the pain but for how permanent it was and how it would change me.
Now I have always been one to say I’d never get a name tattooed on my body (with the exception of my children) Dillon is the only person I have ever even considered of doing. After much thought, I’m scared that might jinx us so I stuck with just first initials.
The lady handed me the paperwork to fill out and I got down to it. One of the questions is what was the last time you ate. Well, I had had lunch, but no dinner yet, but D and I had both ate some brownies (I got at Great American Cookies in the outlet mall in OKC) right before we left. Well as I’m trying to explain this to the girl it dawns on me she might think I had “special brownies” so I tried explaining that it wasn’t but got my self into a fit of giggles. (I’m pretty sure that chick thought I was high as a kite) Anyways, as the lady is drawing it out trying to get it perfect for me as I watch and ask for certain things. I’m growing more nervous but at the same time there is this excitement growing and I can’t believe I’ve finally taken the steps to do something that I’ve wanted for so long. When she takes me back and sits me down and transfers the image to my arm I kinda want to make a run for the camper. My hands are sweating like crazy and I have a huge knot in my stomach. But I want it so much!
OMG people lie to you about how bad it hurts! “A little worse than a misquote bite” -Dillon. “Just a little, but then it goes numb. Heck, I fell asleep” -Sparky. Liars! I mean I didn’t cry or anything, I didn’t pass out, and I didn’t ask her to stop. I actually watched as much as I could it’s cool as sh*t! But I could definitely fell it!
IMG_4937
After it was all done I couldn’t hardly believe it. It was kinda like a dream. I have wanted it for so long that I couldn’t believe it was real. The fact that it was on fire made me know it wasn’t a dream, but walking out of there I was totally shocked and the permanence was definitely settling in on me!
So it has been a few days and I’m still stoked about it. I love it absolutely! I catch my self-feeling more like a bad a**, I can’t explain why and I laugh at myself normally after. Also, I forget about it when I’m busy doing something and I catch a glimpse of it and I think I have something on my arm. I know I’m a mystery even to myself. As for now, I’m not planning to get another one for awhile. One day I would still like to have one for Logan. I’d also like to go with my sisters still but we have some debating to do.
Oh Yea, I’m 29 and kinda freaking out about what my Dad will say when he sees it.

Co-parenting…

As you all have probably put two and two together. Dillon is Logan’s Step Dad. Logan’s Father is very much in the picture. He and I have known each other for around 15 years. We met through a cousin of mine (they are still good friends). We were young and dumb and “dated” on and off long distance forever. I won’t go into the whole story because I’d be here all day and it’s all water under the bridge now. When we found out we were pregnant, I wasn’t near old enough at 18 and he only 19! We were scared yet excited. We ended up breaking up for a while then married when Logan was around 1.

We tried our hardest to make it work for Logan. In the end, I decided I wanted to raise Logan in a loving relationship (not that it was just ugly and awful between us) We just both agreed that separation was best for Logan. We had the easiest divorce (ugh, Y’all I hate that word) we split everything, we each paid half, we didn’t fight over who was getting Logan when we didn’t fight over child support. We both knew we are doing what is best for Logan.

I do not say mean, or awful things about Logan’s father to or around Logan. I’m NOT going to say that we get along 100% and agree on everything (because we don’t, who does?) But in the end our arguments die pretty quickly because we start to realize what is best for Logan.

We co-parent Logan, and he also understands that Dillon is also a big part of Logan’s life. He knows Logan has to respect Dillon, as I know Logan will have to respect anyone he has in his life because of his father. [too many times I’ve heard of parents trying to teach their kids to disrespect the step parents. That makes me so angry]

Also, Dillon is under the same understanding, Logan’s father is a part of his life. We both support any conversation that Logan wants to have about his father and half-brother. We all work with each other on dates, schedules, and holidays. Y’all our schedule is crazy and he works with us a lot. Meeting times and spots change regularly because of us moving around.

When logan played baseball this past summer. We didn’t have to tell him. Dillon and I paid for everything. We were the ones taking him to practices and games. BUT, Y’all should have seen Logan’s face when most of his family was there to cheer him on for his final game. I know it sucked to drive 3 hours away on Tuesdays or Thursday to come watch him play, yet he did it regularly. Because it was best for Logan! [if you cant tell we are a goofy bunch]

Logan has a half-brother, from his father’s side. One day he’s going to want to spend the night with Logan (with us) or go with us where ever Logan is going. It wouldn’t bother us one bit to have him with us (his Mom probably wouldn’t allow it but, that I can’t change) it’s what is best for Logan. He is his brother after all.

IMG_4413

Logan had a big birthday party this year and we worked together to make sure Logan’s Dad and his brother could come. Again It made the whole day better for Logan! (Look at Logan help him with the pinata)

I have one friend that is also able to have this relationship with her kid’s dads. (We met after both of her ex-husbands, yet I know both of them and they know me)

So my question is why? Why can so many parents not see this? Why do most step-parents want to cause friction? Why do so many parents spend thousands of dollars in court to fight? Why can’t they choose what’s best for their child?

A Little Cabin In The Woods…

In order to explain me and the name, I choose I’ll tell you a little bit about our cabin. It really is a little [tiny] cabin in the woods! Dillon, Logan, and I needed a place to stay when we have our days off! 

{We love you Nannie and Papa D and we appreciate all your hospitality but we needed our own space and so do Y’all!}

SUNP3231

Dillon really wanted a great place to hunt. [he could have slept in a deer blind for all he cared]  Now don’t get me wrong, he wanted us to have somewhere nice/safe to stay, but when you’re on the road 85% of the year, it’s hard to maintain and pay for an empty castle! So we settled on a nice piece of land [of course it is good hunting] and we decided on a DIY tiny home!

img_0594.jpg

Since we’re normally on 10 days on 4 days off schedule, we needed something that could be dried in and fast! So we chose a 14×40 Bald Eagle Barn, had it delivered and began building the inside. It’s not done yet [it’s been a slow process] but it’s got water, sewer, electricity, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, and a loft room for Logan. We still lack quite a few things in finishing it but we are able to stay in it when we get lucky enough to go home. 

Here is a small slideshow of our hard work.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I love to move around and traveling with Dillon is easy for me, however, I do like to have roots! I like to have a place where we can go and know that we are welcome. Where we know at least 50% of the people and where we don’t have to play the guessing game for restaurants. I love having that in Arkansas. 

IMG_20150527_181700Occasionally we get those jobs we’re D has to work 5 on 2 off. So being 5 hours or more away just doesn’t make it worth the drive to go home. I occasionally get terribly homesick: I [always] miss my best friend, our dirt roads, our creek, and not having a neighbor within spitting distance. [not that I spit on my neighbors] I love traveling but I also love having a home to miss! 

creek-2.jpgOur lil‘ creek is just down the road from our cabin.  We spend a lot of our summer evenings there with our friends and family.

 

creek-1.jpg

We are totally redneck by the way here is a picture of us going through the culverts when the creek was just right. It was a great day at the creek. Since then they did some work to it and you can’t go through them anymore.

Why We Homeschool…

Logan actually started homeschooling in 1st grade. Which was before Dillon and I even met, everyone assumes that we started homeschooling because I wanted to be on the road with Dillon! Which I do, but that is not the only reason. 

I was a single mom when Logan started school. I worked and went to school myself. Logan loved school in kindergarten. He did so well in Kindergarten, and the year flew by.

logan2.jpg

When Logan was in the first grade we had lots of trouble with him wanting to read. He was just fine at home and didn’t want to at school or maybe he was just too embarrassed. Either way, his teacher kept saying he needed to be put into the reading program. “The reading program” would take away from all his other learning. The teacher had no other options or opinions and [I’m sorry] he could read just fine at home. and he hated going to school it was a fight every morning, which normally ended in Logan in tears. I hated it.

Another thing that irritated me was the new lunch program. [Thank you but no thank you Mrs. Obama]  So he took his lunch, which should not have been a big deal [or so you would think] except he would come home with half of his lunch still in the bag. I question him time and time again, why aren’t you eating (he’s a good eater) He would tell me they told him he couldn’t have it. Upon questioning his teacher she said to “talk to the lunch lady” the lunch lady said, “talk to the teacher.” After getting the run around I offered to come and have lunch with him to see who I should talk to the teacher finally confessed: “well the other kids don’t have it so, it’s unfair!” Wait, what? We had a long heart to heart where I told her I packed his lunch so he could have what I wanted him to eat, the other kid’s parents were free to do this also! 

At the middle of the semester, his teacher wrote on his report card that he was behind, in everything, he couldn’t focus so she had been taking away his recess, but that only made him more hyper. [So you’re wanting a small child to sit still and quiet for 8 hours with no way to burn any energy, what do you expect?]  

I was so frustrated and broke down and cried to my mom about it all. She asked if she could start homeschooling Logan. [My middle sister had just graduated from homeschooling, and my youngest sister was still being homeschooled] I was really scared and worried about all kinds of things [not my mom’s qualifications] sports, friends, and when I would have to take over.  

She homeschooled Logan for the rest of first grade, second grade, and most of the third grade. By then my younger sister had graduated, and my mom was really wanting to have some free time. I had also met Dillon and we were discussing the possibilities of us traveling with him. So it all worked out in the end. 

We are starting his fifth-grade year this year. He likes it, as well as any kid likes to do school work. We have good days and we have bad days. We’re lucky that we get to decide when we want breaks and what days we’re going to double up on, and even what we want to study. IMG_3555

He is starting the Khan Acadamy for math, history, grammar, and possibly computers. We used it a few times last year when I had to brush up on some math to help him. It seems to be wonderful, the teachers are funny and they draw awful pictures, so far Logan loves it. He is also doing the Spectrum Reading book. I’m not really a fan of Spectrum except for the reading book. He has the Spectrum Science book but I’m not sure about it yet we may try the one on the Khan Acadamy. Last year I bought the reading and science book (at the Hastings going out of business sale) so we are going to try it for a week or two and see how we both feel about it.

I’ll keep you posted on how we are feeling on Spectrum Science and Khan Acamady.